48 hours less

48 hours less to end this year.
It's crazy to think that it's been 363 days since the beginning of a new chapter. A white page.

This year was one of the best's I ve ever had. I showed my friends my truly love about music and started a channel where I do covers and its something that  I've been enjoying a lot and learning about it as well.
I could show to everyone who used to "know me" that I was intelligent like them and I ended up being one of the best students of my class with great grades.
I went for the first time to the gym and I discovered a new passion and for sure in 2019 I wanna come back. Also, I got my puppy and he is probably the reason why I loved so much this year.
The last 3 months of 2018, I can resume em with a simple word.... Study.  This year is the hardest year of high school, so I entered really afraid of what could happen and actually it took some time to me to put my brain start working again, after 3 months without studying anything.  At the end, I have really good grades, I m doing my best and I couldn't end this year in a better way.

Now a new year, a new white page, new 365 opportunity will arrive and I ll be here to enjoy them.

This year I wanna achieve a 17 medium values in school,  having my best body image and back to the gym. I wanna continue my channel on YT. I wanna be happy. I wanna this year to be the best I ve ever had.

It won't be easy... But anything is possible, we just have to believe.

-Blue

Merry Christmas to everyone

2 days left for Christmas and I m really happy for it. Christmas time it's been my favorite part of the year but also one of the worst. My all life I ve been struggling with food and body image issues and I can say that since my 9yo, I m not able to look at a mirror without criticism any part of my body.

When I m stress, I eat. When I m nervous and anxious, I eat. When I m bored, I eat.
And that s the resume for this last 3 days. I always want to eat bc that makes me do something and not just be bored all day. That's why Christmas it's one of best and worst holidays of the year.bc I mess up with everything.

I really don't like my body and I feel that I don't wanna get worse but I m out of control right now.

Also, I have an opportunity to do a casting and who knows being part of a TV series. I m always been a person that likes to be behind the camera but I m really excited to participate, even if I don't get choose. Honestly I think I m not a 100% happy and excited because I wonder if I would be selected. And the fault it's my body and the way I feel for him. I feel that if I get embarrassed to show my body at the beach with ±100 or 200± people around me, what about having millions of them watching my stretch skin and fat parts of my body.

I don't know what to do. I keep thinking, what if this casting can make me get an opportunity as Daniela Ruah had and then get invited to go to USA and realize one of the biggest dreams I have ever had. Or what if I do it and some label sees me and what's to work with me...
What if because I m gonna show to the world from where I m, I will never be able to be recognized as am international artists one day.

I feel very guilty about all this and I don't know where to begin.

I think 2019 will be a year that will make me fight for what I really want to do for living and it will be a year that I m going to make the hardest decisions about my future.

-Blue