After 1 year and 3 months, I came here. To my secret little cave where I put all these feelings, experiences and thoughts that I wanna hide from the world. So much happenned since I last posted. Literally a year. I ashamed cause I haven´t update this blog and a lot has passed by.
Since I last psoted I:
- Joined nursing school, met new people. Got a family. Got some godmothers and godfather. I struggled with mental health a lot. Lost some people, got sad, angry, violent with me and other.
- I had to deal with the past and the people that are not here with me.
- I had to deal with the present and all the things that I discovered about myself and the way I am towards others.
- Got into a relationship with the person that I m sure is my beloved future wife. I showed her most of my insecurities and I spent the most amazing momments with her. I cried, I laughed.
- I got vaccinated for COVID
- I hated myself, my body, my life, I lost myself.
- I tried to end up my life and I got to see who really cared about me.
- I said goodbye to pretty amazing people that taught a lot about life and myself but could not handle me when I spoke up to defend me and my actions.
- I got into music in college but I gave up after while because I recognized that I was not okay there.
- I started a fitness project, multiple times, but since November I ve been doing this project of 10 weeks, which in 6 weeks I lost 8 lbs, out of 22 lbs. Its not the best results but they are something.
- I dreamed a lot this year but not took many actions.
- I got see what nursing is and how I would love to persue fire academy, paramedics or music instead of nursing in hospital.
- I got tendinitis on my right thumb.
- I got to represent for this new year the organization from my college.
- I got more people in my family.
- I got a room. FINNALY.
- I spent too much money.
- I built my own home studio .
- I GOT A FUCKING DRUM SET.
- I came back to the gym...twice. I gave up once because of covid.
- I got so much pain with this infections on my skin through these last few months.
- I started medication and I got dumped by my psyc. therapist.
- I saw the president on the beach.
I learned so much about me and I still think there are so many things that I need to do to feel good and feel worth it. There is so much life ahead and so much people to meet. One thing I know for sure, this year was a living hell because it was a year of growth. I didnt enjoyed, it hurt most of the times but i m still here. Breathing, making plans, and owning them.
2022 is a year where I know already that will take me do things that I dont enjoy, meet people from the past and define what I really want in my life.
I m ready for it. I really am.
- Blue
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