48 hours less

48 hours less to end this year.
It's crazy to think that it's been 363 days since the beginning of a new chapter. A white page.

This year was one of the best's I ve ever had. I showed my friends my truly love about music and started a channel where I do covers and its something that  I've been enjoying a lot and learning about it as well.
I could show to everyone who used to "know me" that I was intelligent like them and I ended up being one of the best students of my class with great grades.
I went for the first time to the gym and I discovered a new passion and for sure in 2019 I wanna come back. Also, I got my puppy and he is probably the reason why I loved so much this year.
The last 3 months of 2018, I can resume em with a simple word.... Study.  This year is the hardest year of high school, so I entered really afraid of what could happen and actually it took some time to me to put my brain start working again, after 3 months without studying anything.  At the end, I have really good grades, I m doing my best and I couldn't end this year in a better way.

Now a new year, a new white page, new 365 opportunity will arrive and I ll be here to enjoy them.

This year I wanna achieve a 17 medium values in school,  having my best body image and back to the gym. I wanna continue my channel on YT. I wanna be happy. I wanna this year to be the best I ve ever had.

It won't be easy... But anything is possible, we just have to believe.

-Blue

Merry Christmas to everyone

2 days left for Christmas and I m really happy for it. Christmas time it's been my favorite part of the year but also one of the worst. My all life I ve been struggling with food and body image issues and I can say that since my 9yo, I m not able to look at a mirror without criticism any part of my body.

When I m stress, I eat. When I m nervous and anxious, I eat. When I m bored, I eat.
And that s the resume for this last 3 days. I always want to eat bc that makes me do something and not just be bored all day. That's why Christmas it's one of best and worst holidays of the year.bc I mess up with everything.

I really don't like my body and I feel that I don't wanna get worse but I m out of control right now.

Also, I have an opportunity to do a casting and who knows being part of a TV series. I m always been a person that likes to be behind the camera but I m really excited to participate, even if I don't get choose. Honestly I think I m not a 100% happy and excited because I wonder if I would be selected. And the fault it's my body and the way I feel for him. I feel that if I get embarrassed to show my body at the beach with ±100 or 200± people around me, what about having millions of them watching my stretch skin and fat parts of my body.

I don't know what to do. I keep thinking, what if this casting can make me get an opportunity as Daniela Ruah had and then get invited to go to USA and realize one of the biggest dreams I have ever had. Or what if I do it and some label sees me and what's to work with me...
What if because I m gonna show to the world from where I m, I will never be able to be recognized as am international artists one day.

I feel very guilty about all this and I don't know where to begin.

I think 2019 will be a year that will make me fight for what I really want to do for living and it will be a year that I m going to make the hardest decisions about my future.

-Blue

A new restart

The last week I ve been at home but tomorrow I ll come back to school. It's always really hard for me to be more than just 2 days at home bcz more than that I will be anxious to come back.

Actually I ve been sick so I had to stay home for extra two days so I enjoyed before getting back to the war again. 

Good News! Demi Lovato was seen out of rehab and until the moment she have not post anything but I m sure until the end of year she will update us.

It s always difficult to restart something, but only the warriors have not fear to start it.

-Blue

I 'm back bitches!!

Its been awhile since my last post, but its been crazy my life in the last weeks. 

I had my birthday and in a few days a person who I really like will turn 18 and I made a surprise for it and I m really anxious to see this person's reaction.

Besides this, my life it been basically study and study and study. Not always my days are the best ones but sometimes I feel really good and I try to enjoy them as much as I can. Unfortunately I could "met" another bad person that basically left me alone and I had to figure out what to do by myself. 

Sometimes I really think that God does things just to make us believe that we don't need anyone to survive the world's adversities. 

Everything happens for a reason, and we are able to do things we could not imagine possible to do it alone. 

-Blue

Things going on

So, these last 2 weeks were pretty rough. I m on the 2nd week of school and it's been pretty difficult.

It's always difficult to do something you wish not doing and I would rather be working on my music 24/7 than on school. Well, sometimes we have to accept what we have and be the best at it, no matter what.
At the end of the day, I will be able to help other's and maybe be a surgeon... as, besides music, I always wanted to be.

Sometimes we have to deal with things that we don't want to deal with.

-Blue

Ready, set....GO!!

Today is my last summer day of 2018. This vacations were amazing and probably the best one I've ever had.

From the beginning to now, I went to the gym for the first time and I really enjoyed being there. So many people, fighting for the same results and supporting each other it's the best thing I could watch out there.

Secondly, I got my puppy and for sure, was the thing that made this summer much special than he was. 

I could finally understand and identify my toxic relationships in my life and met another people that have the power to give love and be kind to each other.

And the most special thing was that I faced one of my worst fears of this last year and getting to know others my passion for music and singing. 

However, there were things that happen that made this Summer not be the perfect one, for example, the person I most admire and I feel good with had an Overdose and barely died. Thank goodness that she is recovering every day and she will be back stronger than ever.

This summer I learned, I grew and I faced. Demi Lovato's book helped me to find myself and keep forward without being afraid. I can say...2018 it's my year of success.

                                                                           but

2019 will be the year that my dreams will fly and I'll be the person that I wanna be.

-Blue

Jealousy can be a beautiful feeling for the one's who are not kind

Nowadays, there is so much hate and jealousy in the word that people are being mean to each other just because that's the trend.

I am working so hard on my music, trying to write some good songs. Doing videos, having fun while I record them...I am having a great time right now. Getting more confident and improving my self-esteem were the consequences after I open up my soul to everyone on the Internet. 

So, today I decided to go to those Live chats on the internet with random people around the world and sing some songs for them. The experience could be perfect...but ofc, there is also mean people in the middle of a great moment like that. And the most painful thing was that that girl who just sent me disgusting hate it's from my own country. 

I keep thinking...What a great way to show to the people around the world how kind and sweet our people are...

-Blue

Lose Mind

So, this past of days I've been working on music...I did a cover on YouTube and on my Instagram account and I've been congratulated and getting good feedback. But now, I m facing another challenge.

I really wanna write a song...a meaningful song, with a purpose on it. I really love that kind of songs that made us think, but it's pretty difficult to do it. Sometimes, when I m just singing random words, I get something very good that I could turn into a song but right away, I just can't do it again no matter how hard I think. That made me very unmotivated.

It's very difficult to find something from your life that can turn into a song, it's really frustrating.

I m about to download a program to make music, a music software. I think it will help me to find my soul inside of me.

-Blue

Daily Life

So, Idk what to write but I really want to so I m just telling you what I have to do before school starts vs What I'm doing daily right now.

Before my school starts, I really need to go buy the last stuff as school material and clothes. I need to enjoy my last 2 weeks with series and movies I want to see but in 3 months I just let the time pass through my eyes. And this week I m starting to study again to remember all I learned in the last year.

This is what I need to do. 

Now what I am doing daily is:
1.Waking up at 8:30am+- 
2. Doing and eating my breakfast
3. Staying on the computer or on smartphone seeing videos or working on my music.
4. Have Lunch
5.  Playing, Singing, having a rehearsal of some original I'm working on or on the next YT video.
6. More TV; more social media.
7. Snack Time.
8. Remember that I need to do some stuff before school starts(or going anywhere with my mom)
9. Have dinner
10. Grey's Anatomy Time
11. BEDDDD!!

and starts all over again...Yap I'm doing what we call procrastination. 

That's why I'm starting today and I'm going to finish all the series today. And for the rest of the week, I will do everything else.

As my mom says, don't let for tomorrow what you can do today.

-Blue

There is no dream without a dreamer

2 days ago, I faced my worst fear. I showed everyone who knows me that I sing. I uploaded a cover and everyone saw it. Honestly, I was scared for doing that, I took 2 days just to record it because I wanted the video to be perfect, but I did it.

I think I was afraid for doing this because I was afraid to be judge, to be criticised and lost all my few confidence I had in this dream that I care for so long. But honestly, after seeing that people liked it and comment on with positive feedback it made me believe that I can handle this. I can be a good singer and be successful in this business.  I felt good about myself and peaceful after months hiding this secret.

Now, I feel that I can move on and open myself up to this talent. It's time to start fighting to achieve this dream.

-Blue

Exercising make us young.

The past 3 months I've been exercising myself mentally and physically. Going to the gym it's not all about getting skinny or having muscles, the mental part it's also used in having self-discipline and self-control about our diet and schedule.

I have to be honest, I didn't go every day as I planned to, however, I felt that exercising myself made me feel better and with more energy then I had. 

Studies confirm that if we workout for at least 30 minutes before starting our day at the work or school, we have a much progressive day and our concentration level it's higher. This happens because while we are exercising ourselves our brain and heart are exercising at the same time and a simple walk makes our stress level lower, our brain gets extra blood resulting in a faster delivery of oxygen and nutrients with the max. efficiency. Cardio also floods the brain with chemicals that enhance functions such as memory, problem solving and decision making.

That's why when school starts, besides the exercise I will get during the Physical Education class, I am going to walk for at least 30 minutes before school. I will feel physically and mentally better, as such my confidence level will get higher and my self-esteem will get bigger. 

Exercising it's not just for esthetics things, but also for feeling better with ourselves and enjoy our day the best we can.

-Blue

 

Big mouth make us a small person

A few years ago, I lied to my greatest friend(A) at that time and nowadays it's one of the things I regret about my past.

I was 13/14 and my friend A had a good life at the time...good grades, good friends, she was a national champion swimmer and had a thing that every teenage girl wants...a boyfriend. She was always talking about him and how she missed him; her life looked like a dream for me. My self-esteem was low, low confidence, none goals. I was living every day a life just because I needed to.

I needed something to show her that I had a good life too. So I ended up to say that a friend of mine (B), who I used to talk daily and I had a crush on, was my boyfriend. He did not live in the same city as I lived so everything was set on the internet. 

This took 3 months until she found out everything. Until there, I turned a simple best friends messages with B into a bf/gf chat to show her. I created a lot of scenarios as a drama movie, including, meetings that never happened. I was so obsessed that eventually, I started to use a ring that I had and I used to say he offered him to me when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

A found out, she told her best friend so there are only a few persons that know the truth but when this story comes up again I feel the anxiety, the pressure, a bad person. 

Nowadays, I'm always afraid when I play truth or dare with my friends; if they ask me something like "Why did you lie about dating B?" 

I felt jealous of everyone on earth that had their life'love and I did not. I felt that I needed something to have the attention of my friends. I needed that at the time no matter what I needed to invent. 

I think karma hit us stronger than we do and I feel that I will never be able to move on and forget what I did. I will always be afraid if everyone will know that I am a liar...or I was. After what happened I just try to avoid the lies. I learned and it won't ever happen again.

A simple lie can change your future mentally; get your fears high and your person small.

Sometimes a big mouth makes you a small person on earth, no matter how regret is you. 

-Blue

Bullying....online

I saw a movie called " cyberbullying" and I absolutely loved! I think it is a good way to share the message about the new way of bullying that the youngest use or are a victim of it.

This girl was bullied by a group of girls on a website where they expose their life to everyone, including, their intimate life. Nowadays, I think we use so much the internet that we forget that it's more dangerous to text a friend from there then simply call him. We have to be careful if we want to be a safe user on this platform. 

In my past, I really fucked up because of the texting and to whom I texted. When we are only a teen or a child, we don't see the severe consequences of our actions when it's about a chat with a stranger on the internet.

None of all the people wants to meet us and be our friends. On the internet, there are friends, psychopaths, killers, bullies, victims, and a lot of potential danger. 

It's all about us if we wanna use the internet as a dumb or a genius. 

-Blue

Toxic Friendships

Every day I keep working on the process to "delete" all the toxic and unnecessary friendships in my life.

Sometimes, especially when we are teenagers, we think everyone is our friend and everyone it will be good for us and loyal. Let's be honest...That's NOT TRUE! The most of the girls and boys nowadays, are only your friend if they want something from you and when they get it, they will leave you immediately and we end up to suffer for losing one more "friend".

HELLOO?!! Are you there?? Yes? So listen..or read this... Your life WILL NOT OVER because you lost your best friend or that friend you used to have a healthy relationship and used to trust. You will meet new people until the day you are no longer on the earth.

I m just in a part of my life where I start to set all the goals, set the friendships, the goods, and bad memories. I m starting to be an independent human on this huge and messed up Universe.

That's why I needed to say no to those toxic friends, facing my fears, fixing the pendent stuff on my life. That's a good start if we want to become something good and have a good life in the future. 

Sometimes we have to beat on the deepest hole to get up and start fighting strongly and successfully.

-Blue

Setting the goals

A less than a month to start my new school year, I am starting to prepare for it, especially, the mentally part. 

I believe the reason why our grades are not the ones we would like to have it is that the way we study and start the school, mentally speaking. The most of us, lost ourselves in the middle of the run to achieve our goals because we say that we are "not motivated" to get them. I think that's not the right answer.
"I don't achieve my goals because I don´t believe in myself to achieve them" it is the definition for being "not motivated". We need to understand how our mind works and how tools are the best for it. 

That's why I planned carefully the last 3 weeks before I join in a new war with my brain. I'm seeing only videos from the "Be Inspired channel" and trying to avoid the social media to fight against the teen´s addiction during the vacations, the smartphone.

It won't be easy, but from here to a year, I will be glad for doing this and be happy for achieved all my objectives.

-Blue

Love : Truth or Dare??

A month away to start my new school year, these vacations have been the craziest. 

Recently, I joined a group chat where I could meet some fans from around the world that support my idol too and I met some really cool people there. One of them is this girl that lives in Europe and we 've been talking as much as we can. 

She is the kindness, funny and beautiful girl I've ever met. I could know a little bit her path and I can say that she has been a warrior and the strongest for fighting every day to keep herself on game´s life. I really like her and I would like to meet her in real life to know more about her, however, we have more than 1700 km between us. 

I have been different since we started talking; she has the power to bring up the smile on my face and also be the friend that I´ve been looking at a sea of toxic friendships.

I´m really afraid of the internet relationships, we don´t have 100% sure if the person that we keep talking daily is the same behind the screen. We have to trust carefully if we don´t want to be another victim of cybercrime.

Long distance relationships can be tough if we aren't smart enough to distinguish between true love or a toxic one.

We keep playing constantly the non-sure game until we got to answer: Truth or Dare?

- Blue

"Long distance relationships are hard, but they are also incredible. If you can love, trust, respect and support each other from distance then you'll be unstoppable once you´re physically together" 

Summer's Life

After 2 weeks I decided to keep writing, even if I don´t have any follower, this is a good therapy for myself. 

So, the last 2 weeks were insane. Demi Lovato left the hospital and started her rehab and everyone is happy about it. Also, I and my family got a little puppy and it been a challenging journey but also, a funny one too.

Although, unfortunately, my holidays are getting over and I only have a month left. It looks pretty much but it's not because I feel that I haven't recharge my batteries yet and I´m not strong enough to start fighting again but on my deepest mind I think I am.

The best thing I decided to start doing it was read the Demi Lovato´s book "Staying strong: 365 a year", somehow she is helping me to be more confident and fearless. It is strange how simple words can change you inside and change your life.

2018 its been my year and I´m sure 2019 it will be as well.

-Blue

Feeling Good

I just came back from the gym and I'm feeling, besides tiredness, good and alive. It's great when you can do something you like and we can use it to forget about the problems around us.

For me, the music it's my way to sneak out and get the pleasure of it. Hearing, playing and singing it's how I get that pleasure. but the last one warms my heart every time. That's why I am thinking about starting to do live shows and show the world what I use to feel this freedom and happiness. 

It will be a challenge but I can handle it. We have to be better every day then the day before. 

Also, I'm reading this book from Demi Lovato: "Staying strong:365 a year", I recommend it a lot and she is teaching me a lot with simple and few words. Every day are new pages and incredible quotes that make us think.

Stay Strong, Be brave, Love Hard and true, and you will have nothing to lose- Demi Lovato's book

-Blue

-

I Don't Want a new star on the Sky

These few days it´s been chaotic for every Lovatic'life. Demi Lovato had an overdose and after almost 24hours we don't know anything that she is alive, at least we think she is. 
It's been difficult for all of us be on this position and does not do anything for her to be okay. 

It's tough to be a fan and it's mostly when you own your life to her. To a person who saved you when your friends didn't.

It's shocking to see that the whole world is crossing the hands with each other making a supportive cable for her. It's beautiful to see the singers, artists, fans, friends are by her side and we are all praying for her to recover.

Now, we have to deal with whats going on and God will take from here and save her.

Let´s pray for the hottest, kind and philanthropist  Demi Lovato.

- Blue

Confident

Every day I think what my idol said its the naked truth: "The secrets make you sick". Sometimes I feel that not having secrets its the best thing on this cruel world, but then, I just realize that without them, everyone knows what will be our next step and then they can break our goals and dreams without we even try.

Every day I feel more confident about my secret; every day I break myself facing my fears.

I think what can decide to be someone we want or not is yourself. We can decide: Fight, facing every fear we have and do everything to achieve our dreams or quite at the first obstacle.

We chose our future, we chose it now.

- Blue

Dark Night

Today I finished my series where the suicide, sexual assault, and bullying are developed with shock scenes and uncensored. The ending was absolutely shocking, not just the way that ended it but also how everything happened.

There was no justice for the girls who were raped. It made me feel angry because doesn't matter how many girls were raped. Even if we are a thousand the justice was not there.

When I went to sleep, I started to think about that and how much fights we have to win just to "be like boys", it's unfair.

Then, I fell into sleep and I had a dream about that series and I was afraid of everything; a thing that had never happened to me before...

An hour later, I woke up with screamings from the outside, from a girl. At that moment, that scream went by my ear, through my nerves and bones into my brain waking me up. Quickly, I jumped off my bed to see through the window what it was happening.

I felt my heart beat became faster and the growth of my adrenaline obvious. I was afraid.

Afraid of the truth.

-Blue

First Day

Here we go, I'm trying to understand how every tool works, but at least posting something right now, it´s enough.

I'm not the type of person whose interest is social media or writing for the strangers behind the screen, but I think this is the only way to feel less lonely as I'm feeling right now.

A place where I can be myself and run away from a mask that I usually use every day to everyone. Where I can tell the truth or lie; show my talent and not be blamed for it.

Welcome to my person, welcome to whom I am.


-Blue