Scared

 I don't know what to write. I have been finally accepting myself and I m working on a better version of my self physically and emotionally. But now the anxiety is increasing cause it's almost time to go to college. To go to a course that takes lots of time and I know it's not going to be easy. Especially if one of my colleagues doesn't make it there. 

My anxiety from being in public it's getting a little better but worse at the same time. I kinda get paranoid inside of stores but I'm trying to deal with it, in the best way possible. 

THE more I get to know about the course and what it takes to actually do it, it kinda makes me scared if what I m doing is the right thing.  I don't like studying things that I don't like at all and I know that If I m going to enter college I need to enter with a positive mindset, and right now, I just can't. I'm not excited as I expected, I'm not happy either. I feel that is the right move and the safest one to do but also I'm afraid that I "forget" too much about my music in a way that without even noticing because of how busy I am, I just get distracted and lose precious time out of my music. Right now, I feel my body is about to split up cause one side of me whats to go to college because thinks it's the right thing to do, but the other half wants to just, drop out of everything. Take my own things and go to the USA or Canada and try to pursue a career independently, even though I don't know how, where, and how can I afford everything.

At the end I know it's the "right side" that will win because most of all, I don't have the balls to make an unresponsible movement like that and I'd be afraid of have taken the wrong step and lost an opportunity to become a nurse, and even though it's not my dream, still is better compared to working in a store or as a cashier for the rest of my life.

-Blue