Hello me from the actual version...
1 year has passed and i just lived an entire lifetime of experiences...
- Graduated....went to SC....started my career as a nurse in the same place I graduated....4 days later got into Neonatology...the dream it self.
After 2 weeks of it I left because I didn't feel good, at home, pleased and happy in doing what I was doing comparing with psyco....weird huh?
After that, went to a solo trip to alentejo trying to find my innerpeace again...or understand why God let me go to my dream job to me to get back to psych after 3 weeks. Till this day I know it has something to do with Jonas and Ninive...but I still don't know which of the places is ninive... Got covid again, lost Di. from cancer and passed my first christmas working night shift.
End of the year, last meeting, got convicted and inspired by a girl's church testemony on buying her house on her own...so I made that a goal with God and 4 months later I bought myself my very first home...a T3 at a quiet and peaceful place...exactly what I wanted and the whole experience was crazier than ever. During the process Encounter 26 happened, served on the best reunion ever...started to get more envolved in MS church and even got invited to talk in the offer. Everything "seemed" to go great right?
It isn't - along side the beautiful side - I have been living a dark season as well. Never been this heavier...97kg.... loss all my confidence...barely fit in my own clothes anymore. I can tell the difference on how people talk and interact to me...now i get barely scheduled to serve on the "main church" (yes, the same place I dedicated myself for 4 years). Experienced bad moves from leaders, got disappointed by my great example M.D. during her farwell and she being away really pulled me out of having an "example" to follow. My friends didn't help me at all with the moving to the new house...as I expected them too. Feel left out, invisible yet visible. Decided today that I am not going to SC 26 because I truly don't feel good about myself and since I have 2 weddings in september i don't want to be fat and unfit or unsexy....specially because I will be singing at both. (another thing that it's upseting me a lot right now...is that even though I was on of the pilars of Sofia and David's starting to date ...i didn't get invited as a bridesmaid and that made me really sad and unapreciated...specially because sofia's have been for the past year and half a lot of gaslighting and I hate it so much. So i kinda don't want to sing at her wedding but at the same time i know declining that , would make things so worse between our friend group)
- Love life: there is a new guy called João that was one of the last interns at my current workplace and me and I got the greatest chemistry and i literally felt like falling in love and everytime i m with him i can't stop smiling like....falling in love ...but he is not a christian i think and that makes me feel not good because apart from being in love with someone that got church hurt but i know for longer time and i have been with him more time...he is omeone that i met 4 months ago and been with 2 handful of times...and only at workplace environment so...ya, don't think i like him but the idea of him.
On the other side, I have been cathing feelings for Manu...he is a friend from church...he got hurt 2 years ago and from that moment on he left and never came back, Tried to make him comeback but he was just hurt....and now that i lso got hurt i can understand him better and incluinding I saw him on rock in rio 26 (yes i went to RIR for the 1st time this year) and i felt so good being with him...like i can truly trust him a part from joão.
ANyways...i don't know if i m being "in love " with them because i wanna feel love and valued or that i trully like them.
- BLUE
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