Today is friday and Portugal just passed to 8th finals and I celebrated along with Marg., Marc., Alex and Eliz.
It has been weird....because I have been wanting to be closer with my co workers and not my church friends. Feel so distant from church...also because I got hurt by some people there and I just don't want to be with them anymore...plus...it feels like I have fallen into legalism so I previledge more the culture rather then God or Christ.
The truth is....the lack of confidence due to the way I look thus the value that people in church give me makes me not want to be where I am not valued. I think it's legit. Truth being told....maybe everything I know about God is throught my church lens and not the true gospel and the relationship I have with Him.
I ve opened up with Djeo and Dani, onde of the leader, but I just don't know...i can't serve...feel ashamed for it. I don't want to do it. Don't feel good about it...being exposed in front of everyone. I decided not going to SC this summer since I have promised to myself that I would never be back to SC with the same fat body that I had previously so....that's the goal.
-BLUE
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